I woke up feeling restless this morning. I could not sleep at all. There was something in the air still reminding me of my recent summer vacation. I had forgotten about my student loans, credit loans and borrowed money. I had nothing on my mind. A twenty something year old postgraduate student with nothing to do, with nothing on her mind. Going through my everyday ritual of morning coffee and internet news I came to realize that my empty brain is just an expression of my total and utter feeling of helplessness. This passing year I must have sent out more than a thousand resumes, been to more than 500 job interviews, with not one resulting in a job offering. I do consider myself a smart girl, but lately I have serious doubts about my brain and my abilities. And so, having tried everything to find a job and start my career as a twenty something recent graduate would do so, and completely failing in my pursuit, I have unintentionally emptied my brain and stopped thinking.
Having nothing to do, I went outside for a walk. People my age are all doing the same thing these days. Drinking cheap coffee, having philosophical talks about life and trying to figure out some way to find a job and make money. Passing by on the street I notice a couple of new betting café’s have opened right next to the previously existing ones. This town now looks like one big betting café. Besides the old retired people that usually hang there, these days they seem to be outnumbered by young people. Easy money, easy loss of money or the only way to earn a few denars.
So what seems to be the problem? We are in an economic crisis, but so is the rest of the world, and still some countries always have openings for recent graduates in their companies. To make things worse, it has become a growing trend in Macedonia for companies to only employ people on voluntary or internship basis so they wouldn’t have to pay for the job you do. And make no mistake, you will be working full time (or more) at a regular job. Myself, like many other young people here, have spend a whole lot of money on my education, some of which I still have to pay, and now I have to work for free and when I start asking for money they inform me I am not needed anymore and go on to find a new “intern” or “volunteer” to fill my place.
Tired of feeling helpless, having no money and no prospects for the future a lot of young people either try really hard to go work abroad and paint elevators with a masters degree or just shut off their brains and wait for a better tomorrow, wandering the streets. Things would not be so gloomy if they give bright young people some starting money to play with their ideas, but the country is just not interested. Another day has passed me by, it was full of job interviews and revelations, and I feel like I am a character in “The Neverending story” falling asleep on my last grain of sand.